Well, I can definitely tell that I am pregnant....I don't want to eat anything, but if I don't, I am absolutely miserable.
I met with a midwife at the University of Utah yesterday. I read a book called "Birth" when I was pregnant with Lyla, and it got me really interested in having a midwife, but I guess I was a little worried about it. I really feel like I need to have my baby in a hospital just in case something goes wrong, though I think women who deliver at home or a birthing center are amazing. I had a really good feeling when I met with the midwife--they don't do inductions or episiotomies (unless necessary), and the University hospital has all the equipment necessary for a more natural birth--they have the tubs, birthing balls, shower massage, and they encourage women to get out of bed during labor. I really like the sound of all that, but I will most likely get an epidural, which they are totally supportive of too! The best part? From the moment you check into the hospital, your midwife is there the entire time. I really like knowing that the person who delivers my baby will be there for every moment.
I guess I have just been really overwhelmed lately. I never expected to have 2 children before I turn 24, and I certainly never expected to have them close together. I often wonder if I will be a good mom to them both. Am I cheating Lyla because I won't have more time with her? We will never have this special time ever again, and the new baby will never have just me. How will having 2 babies affect Nate and I? We're pretty indestructible, but I miss him enough now. I had big dreams of graduate school, or teaching, and I wonder when I will ever get there. I miss my family, and they live so far away. I want to be a great example to my sisters, and make my mom proud of me. I just want to do everything right. I am happy to be having this baby, I know it's meant to be, but it is such a different feeling this time around---can anyone say hormones? :)
Ok, no more tears. I know it's a little personal for blogging, but it feels good to just say it.
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3 comments:
Lacy, you'll do great! But I hear your fears and totally understand your thoughts and fears. Our timing is totally different than yours but I think the feelings of not being enough is the same.
But we love you and are here for you...
Katie
You'll do great, I had alot of those same thoughts when I was first pregnant and still have some of them everyday, but I know that it's a good thing and I'll just adjust to two like I adjusted to one! Charlene is always saying how you are just the best mom and so I know you'll do great! I can't wait to see you this weekend.
Blast those dang hormones! You already are one of the best mom's I know, you'll be great at managing two!
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